Coming to terms? Not anytime soon but maybe that’s okay

This is the Celtic tree of life and the image that I’ve been keeping in my head ever since I learned of my beloved uncle’s passing as I strive desperately to achieve some sort of serenity.

Three years and some odd days ago, he was meeting me at the Foggy Bottom metro stop in DC en route to my graduation from GWU… Forty days ago, almost to the hour, I was doing the twist with him at my wedding…

In five days, I’ll be walking across the stage to receive my MA diploma from NYU… Six days later my husband and I will be moving across country to CA– I’m moving back home for the first time in 7 years and I can’t believe he won’t be there to greet me. I can’t believe I won’t be sharing pictures of my graduation with him. I can’t believe he won’t be there to laugh at my scrap-booking skills as I try to put my wedding photos into some semblance of order this summer. I can’t believe he will never meet Luna and Tonks (our little Inkys)… I can’t believe he won’t be visiting me up at UC Santa Cruz– we won’t get to talk long walks through the sequoias and I won’t get to hear funny stories about Santa Cruz “back in the day”… I can’t believe he won’t be there to hold my first child… to attend my PhD graduation and laugh at all the academic regalia…

Yet I also know that he will be there… every single step of the way… in spirit. That’s why I like to think of the celtic tree of life. My uncle lived his life with passion and love and these qualities live on regardless– they are eternal. The celtic tree of life has a dynamic quality to it that brings me hope and in my opinion most resembles my Uncle’s spirit. I know that one whatever plane he occupies he will never be one to sit on a cloud and strum a harp :-p He will be doing something to enrich the lives of others, to give back, to challenge whatever “givens” there are on that plane…

Pondering these thoughts helps me to get through those tough moments when it suddenly dawns on me that he’s physically gone. He may be gone from my seen world but he is ever present in the unseen.

All the same, I miss him like crazy and still cannot deal with life without him– but that too, I think, is okay. It’s part of the process–(another part of the celtic tree of life that I enjoy– the twists and turns of the knots– there are no straight lines)– and somehow I know that I’m– and all of us– are going to be okay… he’s going to make sure we are.

<3–Suzie

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About suziemcc

Social Media Strategist, Adjunct Instructor at NYU, all around data analytics geek
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